I am Asexual

I am asexual

Generally speaking, this means I don’t experience sexual attraction

I see the feminine body and I feel nothing

I see the masculine body and I feel nothing

Now when I see the body of androgyny, a spark of interest ignites inside of me

But this is not attractions

This is excitement

Excitement in representation

This is because I see myself in that body In a body that abides by no rules

In a body that encompasses everything and nothing all at the same time

This is because I am agender as well

But that’s a story for another poem

I am asexual

But don’t get me wrong I can appreciate beauty

Physical beauty

But I don’t crave it I don’t hunger for it

The way the stereotypical 12-year-old boy hungers for the swimsuit models in the magazines

I don’t feel that

The way a closeted queer person sees their first same-sex celebrity crush on the screens of their televisions and realizes who they really are

I never had that

I didn’t like anyone

I tried to feel something

I tried

I tried

I tried to look at them with the eyes of desire

But I felt nothing

Not attraction

Nothing

It just wasn’t me

I am asexual

But my definition

My experiences

My words are my own

Don’t take them as gospel

They’re far from it.

I am asexual

And for me it means I don’t find people to be physically attractive

For me it means I don’t crave sex or physical intimacy

For me it means that if I’m with my partner I will kiss them

I will hold them

I will show them the highest level of intimacy that I can

But it’s not rooted is physical attraction

Its not rooted in how sexy I think they look in that tight skirt

Its not because that new button up shirt is getting me all hot and bothered

It not because they are so damn thick that I can’t contain myself

It because that how I show them I care

That’s how I show them love

Im asexual

And I can be affectionate

I can have sex

…if I want to

… or I couldn’t not

Whatever I do that’s my business

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